When Tyler Baltierra, 34, scrolls through social media comments, he’s noticing something that genuinely bothers him—and it’s opening up a bigger conversation about how we talk about addiction versus adoption trauma.
On the May 27 episode of the“Cate&Ty Break It Down”podcast, Baltierra broke down what he’s observing in real time: Amanda Conner, arrested on May 24 and charged with child abuse/neglect for allegedly driving under the influence with a baby in the car, has been receiving an outpouring of public compassion. Fans have flooded her posts with messages of support—acknowledging her relapse after three years of sobriety, framing her struggle with addiction as something worthy of understanding and empathy. Conner herself confirmed the relapse in a May 27 TikTok video, saying“I have let you all down and I’ve let my family down,”while admitting to feeling“scared”and“ashamed.”
That empathy is valid. But here’s what’s eating at Baltierra: his wife, Catelynn Lowell, 34, who is sober and whom he describes as“a great mom,”posts about the pain of not being able to see their daughter Carly on her birthday—a child they placed for adoption when they were both 16, who is now 17 years old and has no contact with her birth parents. And the comment section? Nowhere near the same level of understanding.
“It’s interesting that we’re talking about a woman in recovery who relapsed and during that relapse, put her child in danger,”Baltierra said on the podcast.“She gets this amount of empathy and sympathy because she is struggling with this addiction problem. At the same time, my wife will make a post about how hard it is that she can’t see the baby she relinquished out of desperation for her birthday. The comments of that vs. this always blows my mind.”
He pushed the point further:“How is it possible that a woman who endangered her children because she’s a drug addict gets more sympathy and empathy over a birth mother who relinquished out of desperation, talking about missing her on her birthday?”Baltierra wasn’t dismissing the complexity of addiction or Conner’s situation. He was asking why adoption grief—the lifelong ache of separation, the loss that never really resolves—gets treated like something less worthy of compassion than a relapse, however serious.
This hits at something real about how we collectively understand pain. Addiction is visible, documented, widely discussed. We’ve made strides in destigmatizing it. Adoption trauma? That’s still largely in the shadows. Birth parents who placed children are sometimes viewed through the lens of judgment rather than circumstance. And the quiet, ongoing grief of missing milestones—a birthday, a graduation, a text message—doesn’t come with the same cultural script of sympathy. Baltierra’s observation isn’t about scoring points in a suffering Olympics. It’s about calling out the gap in how we extend grace.]
About the Author
Ava Hart
Ava Hart is a contributor to LocalBeat, covering local news and community stories.
